3 Important Insights to Reduce Worry When Married to a FirefighterApr 07, 2022
Worry seems to be par for the course when it comes to being a Firefighter spouse. Worry is a sneaky emotion that pretends to be helpful but can really destroy your relationships with your spouse, yourself, and your life.
This article will get you out of worry and back to living your life. So you can build the foundation of love and connection with your spouse.
Why do we worry?
There are 3 main reasons why we worry.
1. Because we think it is useful or inevitable
If your spouse ran into burning buildings wouldn't you worry!?
2. Protecting ourselves from bad things
As my MIL says, “I’m sending the angles to watch over him” as she wrings her hands in worry.
3. It seems easier than trust
So many things can go wrong on a call. I just don’t trust it will be ok.
How to get past these main reasons.
1. Get Factual
Have you ever heard the saying, “Don’t believe everything you hear”? Of course, you can insert read, see and even think.
Don’t believe everything you think. We often think terrible things!
When we think that worry is inevitable then we focus on repeating thoughts that feed this belief even if it is not based on facts. For example:
Thought: He could get hurt.
Truth: He has worked 300 shifts and got hurt twice. And if we are talking about my spouse one of those was while playing Pickleball in the bay.
Thought: It is a dangerous job.
Truth: Firefighting doesn’t make the top 10 dangerous jobs.
Notice if you are arguing with me here. This is a normal protection mechanism to keep uncomfortably comfortable thought habits.
2. Got to Worst Case
You may be thinking I already go to the worst-case and that’s why I worry. If that is you I would invite you to take it a bit further.
We get stuck in worry with worst-case thinking because we stop at the part where we experience a bad feeling.
At a minimum, you already know you can live with a bad feeling. Because worry or anxiety feels terrible right now.
Even in the worst-case scenario, the hardest part is the feeling you will experience. Keep moving the story forward and see what comes after that terrible feeling. Humans are very good at living beyond terrible feelings.
The real problem is living the terrible feeling today when nothing has gone wrong.
It is ok to imagine a future where you live through the worst case.
Most of the time when we talk about trust it is about trusting something outside of us.
Do I trust that piece of equipment, their training, the team. Do I trust my spouse?
The reality is it doesn’t matter if you trust these things or not. They are not within your control.
- Equipment breaks.
- Training protocols are not followed.
- The team is not infallible.
- And yes even our spouses do not keep their word.
The real trust we need to build is within ourselves. Do I trust myself to handle what comes my way?
When we decided to have children there was no expectation that bad things would never happen in their life. But we trusted ourselves and in turn our children to figure out how to live the best possible life with whatever circumstances come.
In building trust and belief in ourselves as firefighter wives and spouses we can release worry and live our lives today.
Worry is an indulgent emotion to disengage with your life right now. To release responsibility to create the life and marriage of your dreams.
Loving curious small steps will get you off that path and onto a new one.
Show up with Curiosity & Love for
Yourself and Your Spouse
Do you want to feel better in your relationship?
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